Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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