i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
