then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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