im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
