oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
