is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
