life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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