I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize