I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
