Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize