I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
