I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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