people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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