the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
