You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
