i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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