dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
