remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
