There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
