I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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