She is in my trunk
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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