Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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