You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
