Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
