Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
