I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
