All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
