dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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