He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
