why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
