White coat. Heels.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize