I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize