just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
