Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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