the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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