Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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