Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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