Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
