It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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