It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
