I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
