we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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