Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
