Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
is that a dick in a sweater?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
