This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
