one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I love you. Go after that dick
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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