I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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