Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
