sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Come see our sink grown plant.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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