a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
