dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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