I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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