adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize