When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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