As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
