I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
COCAINE IS GR8
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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