drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
