My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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