Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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