i think i have herpe
just one?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize