dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So squirting runs in the family.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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