I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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