i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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