he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
