i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
