i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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