I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
time to smoke my breakfast
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize