bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
