i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize