You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
