Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
