why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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