were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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