um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
