You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
