I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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