id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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