i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
