My sheets look like a crime scene.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
