Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I saw his package. It spoke to me.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail

Fav 47 1078 13593
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(303): View more from Colorado

She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now

Fav 26 1520 4566
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(509): View more from Washington

I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?

Fav 23 3381 1852
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(352): View more from Florida

I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.

Fav 4 3840 1709
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(732): View more from New Jersey

just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest

Fav 13 4505 1122
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(503): View more from Oregon

Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.

Fav 10 1038 5513
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(616): View more from Michigan

Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.

Fav 0 931 598
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(914): View more from New York

Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?

(718): View more from New York

I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?

(914): View more from New York

Smarter than the average bear

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