Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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