oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
bring money and cleavage
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
