Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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