sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
