Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
