i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
