"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
