so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Do vagina's smell?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
