we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
