Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
