Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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