Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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