can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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