maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
