I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
