i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize