I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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