Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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