I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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