wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
