1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
