Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
