Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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