Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
