go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
