its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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