woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
